But here's my post:

Joe promised that if I paid off my debts, he'd get me a blue russian kitty.

That's right. Promised. I made him say the P word. I'm just logging it here so he can't champ out of it when I kick ass and take names financially.

The end.

Apparently my one reader here demanded that I make a journal entry, and so here it is. =)

I'm going to Hawaii in November. For two weeks. All thanks to my parents, who decided they'd give me an early Christmas present. Well, and my sister, who offed some money onto me because she has this fucked up notion that I actually need it more than her.

Yes, I'm in debt, but my dear sister, you have a one-year-old boy. Do you know how many shoes you're going to have to buy? And bandaids? And toy cars?

I'll just have to make certain I continue to do my auntie duties. It's killing me though, not being back in Alaska and watching him grow up and having those moments with him. I really do have a serious issue with it, but I guess not serious enough that I'm willing to leave Joe, huh?

Anyhow.

Since I digressed into whining, I'll end my post here. Besides, I have to get back to work. YAY!

I am coming to Alaska, flying into Anchorage early morning August 3rd. I will be staying with my sister that weekend, and the my friend Rindi part of it as well, before heading up to the Fairbanks/Salcha area.

My intent is to stay with my gramma for four days, and maybe make a trip here or there into Fairbanks but for the most part really spend some quality time with her and my cousins.

After that, I will hit Fairbanks for a night or two, and then head back down to Anchorage. I have to be in Anchorage on August 11th for a big ol' Little's reunion, so my time in Fairbanks is limited.

If you are in Fairbanks or Anchorage and want to see me, tell me now. It's ok if you don't; I'm an ass, and we all realize that. Understand that while my friends are important, my 88 year old gramma is more important to me, and I will try to fit some time in with you all, but if you all want to get together, you may have to meet a whole bunch of other people who are in different circles and just get along. Or maybe not at all. See comment on 'ass' above.

Sincerely,
For I, sir, am an ass.

Ps. Ass, for good measure.

Hunter died today. I got out of most of my conference classes and was headed to the networking thingamajig afterwards when I got the news. Mom and dad and of course my sis and I are torn up about it. My poor mom. She was the one who had to take care of matters, as Hunter was - of all of us - my dad's, through and through.

I heard from a friend of mine today that his brother passed a week ago, and suddenly, I am that much more sad, and much more relieved, and consequently feeling much more guilty. Sad because someone else's loss combined with a personal loss just has that extra edge of sorrow, and I just want to hug him and tell him it'll be ok. Relieved, because by all that is holy, I love my sister more than I can ever describe, and I can't even begin to describe how insane I would be if I lost her. And I feel guilty because of the relief, because I still have her.

Ahhh, emotions.

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this
way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

The ravioli and sauce turned out awesome. As a result, you may find these two recipes now on my recipe page. Yes, my own creation, but you needent fear.

Thing #2: I am traveling to Florida in a couple of weeks for a business conference. Apparently they like lil ol me enough to reward me with a nifty conference in another state. We'll even be on Disney property, and me with my very own corporate card. However, don't think for a moment that I'll have any real free time. Networking breakfasts start at 6:45 a.m., the conferences last through the entire days, and at night there are vendor networking dinners. I believe the only time I may have available is late Wednesday afternoon and evening, when everyone goes home. (I opted not to check out of the hotel at 9 a.m. and lug my bags around for the next four hours, but rather to stay the night and leave the next morning.)

I also may get to see a friend while I am there, but I haven't heard back about it yet.

Thing #3: After returning from the wedding in Montana, I had different patches of skin removed and stitches to replace them for the effort, all for cancer testing. Everything turned out just fine, as I knew it would, but it left me unable to attend martial arts for 10 days. Coupled with my trip to Bozeman and then me promptly getting the flu and being a sicko for the next 9 days....

Thing #4: Martial arts is whooping my ass back into shape. Unfortunately, it needs whooping. I am loosing approximately a pound a week since I became serious about my diet, but it's rather discouraging, and it's difficult to maintain any kind of momentum. I am constantly having to think about what I eat, when I exercise, that I can't drink, that I can't have this or that, and for someone who has a fixation with good food and good wine, it's annoying to say the very least. I don't like having my thoughts occupied with this bullshit throughout the day. I'd rather think about other things, like religion and spirituality and friends and family and history and music and and and. But if I don't think about it, then I'll fail and have to start over again, so obsess I do. Hopefully my body will eventually get over the whole food thing.

Thing #5:
I don't remember anymore, which means I need to end this post. Whee!

Great book. Seriously, even if you know or have heard about Skinner, Kant, Wundt, Milgram, Rosenhan, Darley and Latane, Festinger, Alexander, Moniz, Kandel, Loftus, and Harlow - at least, their experiments - this is a book you should read. It raises some very good points, and Lauren Slater does well to interview not only those surrounding these individuals - family members and friends - but also stretches out to interview those who opposed either the research, the way the research was conducted, or the findings of said research.

Ms. Slater has a very interesting wit about her writing style, and she is not afraid to admit a few gems from herself or explore the experiments on her own two feet. She presents both sides of a coin, so to speak, and does so eloquently.

Loved this book.

I also purchased The Biggest Loser Cookbook after reading some of the reviews and bits and pieces that are in it. I generally don't like to engage in the purchase of cookbooks, because usually everything you want is out there on the internet.

However. And this is a big however. The cookbook breaks down every recipe by serving size, nutritional information, etc. It talks about exercise, calories, and how much protein and how many carbohydrates you really should have in every meal - not in just one day, but in every meal, which is a huge difference. It also has some inspiring stories from the people who participated in the TV program, some exerpts about what to watch out for and what to indulge, and so forth. It's easy, it's simple, and.... Dundundun...

I like the recipes. I've made one so far, and it wasn't bad, AND I used fat-free in it. Wonders never cease. If you're trying to eat healthy - for whatever reason - get this book.

I didn't get home until 3:30 a.m. on Dec. 27th... And given that I had to head to work in three and a half hours, I stayed up, spent Christmas with Joe, finished a book, and then showered.

And proceeded through the next three days in a sort of fog. I knew if I had tried to sleep after three days without sleep (seriously, no sleep) that I would be worse for wear. And that's saying something.

Martial Arts
I received my red belt. I'm going to really push to correct some of my bad habits these next few months, so that they are not hindering me in the future. We have an excellent teacher coming out this weekend, which will also kick my ass, but it'll be well worth it. This is where the rest of my Xmas money went.

Birthday
For a 'surprise' (which consisted of my dear friend Kelly obviously lying to me about things, and a few other people inadvertently spilling a bean or two) party, friends and Joe and I met at a local watering hole and chatted for a few hours. It was nice, seeing those that could make it, and I was spoiled by presents, which was a pleasant surprise.

I was spoiled rotten for my actual birthday too, just as with Christmas. My parents and sister sent me money, which will help with bills, and I apparently badgered Joe enough that he actually went and purchased for me a dozen beautiful red roses. Surprisingly, the roses actually smelled like roses, which is something that has been disappearing now that mass production has hit the flower industry. On top of it - boy, does my man know me well - he gave me a gift certificate to a spa where I receive an hour long massage.

Boy. Howdy.

For my birthday, Joe and I headed over to The Big Swede's and had hamburgers and french fries and wine - odd combination, but tasty nevertheless. Andrea and I partied it up with tag, hide and seek, and spin-the-girl-round-and-round in the yard. Between the last dregs of my insomnia (or at least, I thought it was going away until last night) and Teh Little Girl, I was pooped, so I actually konked out before I could sink into some real Swede Movie Action.

God those movies are depressing.

The Rest

Well, I was going to pose more, but off to work I go. I'll try to update more later.

The check looks viable. There's the mention of 'grant' on it. There are symbols from all sorts of businesses that we recognize on the letter as participants of this sweepstakes. There is nothing that states a condition required to be met if the check is cashed. The letter states that this is a beginning check that will, once cashed and once the appropriate people are contact, allow the recipient (award winner) to receive the rest of his $48,000. It was even sent to his home address.

Here's where it raised a few questions:

1. The letter said that it was a grant, and yet it also said that my friend was a 'winner'.

2. The letter said it was a 'final notice' but my friend had never received an initial notice.

I went online and did a search through Google and came up with nothing. I said, why don't you call them in the morning and ask if they have requirements for the money, etc? If they require you to do something additional, sign up for something, give something, then you know it's a scam, right?

He called this morning and asked for the contact person who was on the letter. This person spoke English, but it was heavily accented and from an Indian decent. (Indian, not Native American.) After a bit they got disconnected, but not before the man was saying that there is a processing fee that my friend would have to submit first.

I went online again, this time at the BBB, and looked up Home Trust Inc.

Here is what I found.

The nit and grit of it is that this company fraudulently claims to be part of an actual business, and the check is issued in their name. You go to the bank, you sign the check, you get the money, and then you send the person who's in charge of the scam money for 'processing and legal fees'. In the meantime, the real company says, "Why is this check being cashed? We never issued this check." And then takes the funds back, because they're not legally yours to begin with.

In the meantime, the scammer has not only $3,100 of your money, but also your name, address, and bank account information.

The worst part is, that we're so trained to seeing scams through email that getting one through snail mail is relatively unheard of anymore, at least in my book. Given that, the legitimate look and feel of the check, and the holiday spirit/seasons, this can be some really icky scam that gets lots of people.

My friend - the girlfriend of my other friend - is a reporter for the Anchorage Daily News, and they'll be writing up a story on this, but in the meantime and because most of you don't live in Alaska, pass this story on. This company has a history of scamming people, moving locals as they get 'found out', and $3,100 is nothing to joke about.

My nephew? Adorable. He's incredibly alert, and has finally discovered his feet, his tongue, and his voice. He loves investigating things, so it really isn't hard to entertain him, and he is not anywhere close to fussy. I tease his mommy about teaching him bad words and bad manners, like our uncles did for us, but she takes it into (playfully shocked) stride.

I haven't written in a while, so lemme summarize the last few important things in my life:

1. I stopped working 80 hour weeks at the end of October. And then proceded to do nothing for a good two weeks, as I wanted absolutely nothing to do with 'obligations'. The feeling of anxiety that would creep up at the idea of even completing one of these obligations - even things that I really enjoyed doing - was enough to convince me I had to stop for a while, rest, recup.

2. I started going back to martial arts, after I did nothing for those few weeks. It feels good to be back in the swing of things. I will hopefully be getting my red belt at the end of this month. (Well, technically it is being held first week of January, given the holidays.)

3. I still haven't had my job promotion. My boss doesn't sense the urgency in me, I think, and I think doesn't anticipate that I will walk away from this job.

I will, in fact, walk away from this job. It's been 9 months since I was promised a promotion or job title change, and 16 months since I have been successfully doing far above and beyond what I am supposed to be doing in this job. I'm ok with the 'doing more' bit; there is nothing worse than being bored at work, and I'm a person who really likes to learn and be challeged at work. However, I refuse to be a monkey for someone for the rest of my life. And the fact is, I gave my revision for my new job title a month and a half ago, and she still hasn't scheduled a meeting with the appropriate person tells me she doesn't care enough to keep me.

So I'm looking elsewhere.

4. I'm in Alaska for the holidays. I think I am going to stay in Arizona next year, mainly because I haven't had a Christmas with Joe in a while and my sister and nephew won't be here next year (if all things go well for her), so. But I love it. People think I'm crazy, but I love being in the cold again, seeing snow on the trees. And yeah, others will say that it's only for two weeks and that I wouldn't love it. To them I sez, "Hush, bitches. I lived in Fairbanks for the better part of five years, and that place is far more frigid and I loved it even then."

5. I don't have breast cancer. They weren't certain, so a bunch of tests were run. End results: Clean bill of health. Except that now I have a very recently formed mole on my chest that is the colour of my skin. And, it should be checked out because of the whole - I'm whitey McWhiterson who was burned horribly there several times. Dammit. I am tired of doctors.

There's more, but my sister's awake now. Will chitter chatter later.

1. Movies: Blade, Blade II, Blade III, Weird Science, 16 Candles, The Lake House, The Usual Suspects, Love Actually

2. Dark red velvet curtains with ivory linen curtains for our bedroom, Joe. =)

3. Gift Certificates: iTunes, Target, Ann Taylor Loft, Nordstroms, Macys, Bath and Body Works, Joann's Fabrics, a day at the Spa (JOE I LOVE YOU)... ummmmm....

4. Xbox 360 Game: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

5. A new laptop that doesn't suck

6. A vacation somewhere with Joe.

Hrm. I'm not very good coming up with stuff when I really don't need anything. I'll try to think of stuff. Love you, everyone. =)

First and foremost, I traveled to Las Vegas with my S.O., where we spent two days with my incredible friends, BJ and James. BJ had only arrived that day, and James had been exploring the world of teaching in LV, so I am hoping the experience was relaxing for them as well.

On Thursday, we celebrated with a turkey, a bit of wine, and a visit to Cirque du Soleil's 'Mystere', the tickets a present from me to Joe for his birthday. It was a fantastic show, but I will say that anywhere you sit in that theatre is a good seat. Nothing missed.

Afterwards we were all pretty pooped - BJ the most, the poor boy, who had spent the better part of a day and night awake and traveling - and crashed. The following day we chatted, visited a psychic, had dinner, whipped up a new 'Xmas' picture, and chatted some more. Well, and there was the whole 'falling at the Palms' incident, but anyone who knows me knows I am an utter clutz, and can imagine the picture with me explaining it.

I really, really, really had a good time. It was nice to see two of my best friends in relatively good health. I miss them already.

"My mother always told me that I wouldn't understand why she did things and how I couldn't possibly love her as much as she loves me. By god, she was righ! Of course I fought her all of the way. Believing that she was cruel for not letting me do the things I wanted to, and believing that I loved her as much as any one person could. I truly know now what she was talking about. I was in love with my child from the second I felt him move inside of my belly, but could not have prepared for the amount of love I would have when he was born. Holy Cow! The amount of fear of all the things that could happen to this little soul and the amount of joy I take in every little new thing he does pleases and scares me to no end. Unconditional...there is no other word for it.

'The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.'- Rajneesh"

I admire my sister for many, many things. Her ability to be a mother - which encompasses more than there mere statement, is one of the greatest, incomprehensible, and admirable things about her.