« July 2005 | Main | September 2005 »
August 25, 2005
Lazy Leeching
Today has proven to be mildly frustrating and oddly bemusing. (Bemusing because it loosely ties into our discussion in To Shin Do this week.) There is nothing quite like doing a person's work for them.... but having to do several people's work for them when they are more than capable of handling it themselves frustrates me. It's plain and simple: I know you have enough smarts to figure it out, especially something you do every day, so when you're not doing it and instead you're relying on me to do it for you, it shows me that you're more than willing to use me as a crutch and playing, indirectly, a victim routine.
I find that very, very rarely are there true victims in the world. The starving people in Africa and Ethiopia are examples of true victims.
General Notes:
1. I barely have enough energy and sanity to complete all of my responsibilities and maintain personal growth and health. Supporting a person repeatedly or long term is a detriment to us both.
2. One of my main frustrations with people is the willingness - one might even say eagerness - to adopt a victim routine. It’s easy, it’s lazy, and it’s thoughtless.
3. In adopting a victim routine with me, it shows me that in addition to #2, a person holds no respect for me. While this is not always the case, it is often the case. If you hold no respect for me as a human being, then I will be hard pressed to maintain any respect for you.
4. I have no qualms about giving someone a nudge back into reality and away from a leaching position. I will do this in the most gentle, positive way possible. It often calls for directness, however, and sometimes a harsh stand; I have no fear of showing people this side of me, either.
5. There are those that will never accept ownership for themselves and their actions, no matter how often or how different or how strongly they are confronted. In all honesty, these are people I have learned to detach myself from quickly. These persons will never really live in reality, never really live their lives, and will constantly leech from others. These people are habitual soul suckers, and if there is one thing I have been taught, it is that I do not have the time, energy, and presence of mind to hold up and support anyone but myself for an indefinite amount of time. Furthermore, it isn’t healthy for anyone involved, and that point hits home to me every day.
In my experience, some of these people never learned how to be independent and think for themselves. Some are not actually capable. Some developed a habit and slid upon that slickery downwards spiral, allowing habit to become a way of life.
Do not become one of those people, please.
Posted by Kelli Little at 01:39 PM
August 24, 2005
Recipes Update
For alls of yous guys out there that likes drinks an' shi'...
My recipe page has been updated with three new drink recipes that an online acquaintance - Motherevol - has recommended. I will be certain to try said drinks out in the very near future. Mmmmmmmmm.... Yummy.
Posted by Kelli Little at 10:21 AM
August 22, 2005
Kicking Butt, Taking Names and Money
Lori and I finished our third garage sale this weekend for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. I have a seekrit regarding that, but I cannot talk about it until after It Occurs. Hee. In any case, we raised another $200, and plan on having one last one the first weekend of October. Until then, anyone who wants to send donations - items or money - feel free to contact me.
After the garage sale on Saturday, I headed over to the dojo and practiced my demo with my partner, Thad. Up until that point I hadn't realized how out of shape/out of energy I've gotten these last three weeks, but boy was it noticeable then. Out of breath, weak-feeling, yadda yadda yadda. I attribute it to the rice and applesauce diet I've had.
Speaking of, it looks official that I can begin eating like a quasi-normal person again. It might be because I'm taking antibiotics for something else, and those are killing the icky infection as well. I frankly don't know, but honestly, if I'm able to continue to eat like I have in the last twenty four hours, I really don't care.
Regarding the antibiotics? I have hives, and I'm pretty sure it's from them. Anyone ever had hives right between your toes? On the bottoms and edges of your feet? All over your legs? Have you ever felt the rest of your skin - your face, your scalp, your hands, your breasts - begin to itch, and know that if you scratch, the hives'll pop out there?
Yeah. It makes for an uncomfortable couple of days. But at least tonight is my last dosage.
Sunday I was generally useless, minus returning the tables Lori and I borrowed from my company. I watched movies. I diddled with some music. I took out the trash. You know. Useless. But it felt good.
And now off to a meeting, woot!
Posted by Kelli Little at 08:43 AM
August 16, 2005
New Test Results, Vague Answers
Most of my test results have come back from the recent flurry of tests. The parasite test will take a few days and I have yet to do the blood work up with the hemotologist. I don't anticipate the latter gaining any results. I have to retake my urin test because, apparently, tampons do nothing in re: to keeping the 'specimen' uncontaminated.
Having said that, today I received a vague answer to some of the tests, to be elaborated upon with a follow-up visit. Kidney protein levels have returned to normal. Chemical workup normal. Good RBC count. Good WBC count. Cholesterol good. Hormones are normal. No bacterial infection. No viral infection.
The last three ... annoy and worry and excite me. I hate having mixed emotions about anything, but it looks like it's becoming more and more my cup of tea.
Hormones: Given that the levels are normal and I've been taking supplements to get them to normal, this likely means I will have to continue on the supplements. Which also means I'll still be paying out the wazoo for these things.
Bacteria vs. Viral vs. Parasites: On the one hand, I'm sorta excited that the symtoms I'm having aren't a result from a bacterial or viral infection. But then, I could have told anyone that; three weeks is a week longer than the longest I should continue to experience these f-ing symptoms.
Anyhow, one possibility is that I have a parasite infection. Now, this would be ok in my book. From what I've read and what I've been told by the Pros, parasites can cause a lot of the other symptoms I'm having, like the sudden flourish and excess of food allergies I never had before, the lack of weight loss, blah blah blah. And you can kill a parasite easy.
But on the other hand, if it isn't a parasite... Well, there are a lot of worries there. If it isn't a parasite, it means more testing. It means being stuck with weird food allergies for no reason, likely for the rest of my life. I worry that it means my body has just flat out started rejecting any and all foods. That it could be a disease that isn't curable, or cancer as cancer can do this to you. I worry I worry I worry.
And I have a good three days or more to wait until I hear back from the parasite test. Bah.
Bah, I say.
Posted by Kelli Little at 04:03 PM
August 08, 2005
The Busy Bee Weekend
This weekend qualified me for a busy bee award, despite feeling slightly under the weather.
Friday: After work I headed home and started cleaning. I did several loads of laundry, including sheets, and proceeded to pick up the place so that I could prepare for some vacuuming. Lori and I met at my work place, where we picked up three tables that our company lent to us for our Breast Cancer garage sale. On the way home I snagged some soda and juice for the garage sale the following day. I went home, cooked rice, mewled, and finally went to bed after watching that horrible movie, National Treasure. I didn't sleep much, up and down all night, but that's ok.
Saturday: I got up at 4:30 a.m. after tossing around for a little while. Folded laundry, put another load in, headed out and grabbed some fruit and ice for the garage sale. Arrived at Lori's and Michael's at 5:30 a.m., unloaded the items for sale from the garage and started unpacking as Lori hung up signs. (I want to say I sweated like a pig, but given that pigs don't sweat, I'll just say that I sweated profusely all morning long. I like to think of it as my body purging toxins, but I'm not entirely certain if that's the case.) Garage sale lasted from 6 a.m. until approximately 11:30, and was busy. We actually only had time for one game of Scrabble, which was totally cool. We met some neat and some not-so-neat people, and finally packed it in just before noon.
I sat around drinking Lori's water until I had cooled enough to get into my car and head home. On the way home, I stopped by Whole Foods and finally (and yes, this is a 'joy of all joys' moment) found seaweed particular for miso soup. Got home around 2 p.m. Showered. (Whew was I stinky.) I watched half of Poison Ivy III (ha, what a riot) and a few stupid sci-fi thriller thingies. Then I headed out for a dojo friend's party.
I had a lot of fun there. Kinda needed to, truth be told. We talked with very neat people, got to play with kitties and dogs, played on the trampoline, had shiruken throwing, played a vague semblence of volleyball in the pool, jumped in the hottub, played board games, and generally had a good time. His wife even cooked white rice for me, given my super stupid diet the Doc put me on. But you know, I almost got as much enjoyment out of smelling all of the foods and wines as I would have eating it. Almost.
I also tested out my piano skills, which was ok, and wooped Dan and Lori at Yatzee. *coughsbarelycoughs* Tough opponents. It was getting so late, though, and I couldn't stop yawning, so I headed home at around.. err... 10:30 or 11 p.m., I think.
Sunday: Vacuumed. Cleaned both bathrooms. Dusted. Swept the kitchen floor. Finished the laundry. Napped. Unloaded the dishwasher. Cooked some more rice. Returned the loaned tables to our company. Found my special edition Goonies movie. Chatted online. Went to be early-ish.
/summary
General Things:
1. I have eaten more rice in the last three days than I have in the last year.
2. It is easier to clean the house when I am alone than when Joe is home. I've been thinking on this, and it's probably for a few reasons. AND BY THE WAY: Joe is not a slob. He's not a dick. This isn't a post that indicates as much. He is a very busy man who has his piles but is otherwise very neat and tidy. I just organize things differently than he does. Sheesh.
A) He creates a tiny bit more mess that I have to clean up while I'm cleaning up, and he's not a tidy person. I have a very specific method of cleaning (especially when it comes to deep cleaning) and these little piles he leaves before, during, and after I am cleaning tend to distract me.
B) There is more time to clean without the distractions of interest. Like, going to a movie or going on a photoshoot or.
C)I think there's a part of me that doesn't like to watch him sit while I'm cleaning. It's not a conscious part of me, but I've been analyzing myself (because, as we all know, I'm full of that) and I think that's gotta be part of it. Watching someone you live with and or love not clean while you do, but do something far more interesting and fun... I think that takes a lot of the wind out of my sails.
3. I want a kitty.
Posted by Kelli Little at 08:34 AM | Comments (5)